One of the myriad joys of holiday drink specials is the constant ordering of "nonfat eggnog lattes" by dunce customers. Ignoring the flurry of snarky replies I'm tempted to make, I usually politely mention that the eggnog is not nonfat (BECAUSE NONFAT EGGNOG HASN'T BEEN INVENTED YET), but that I can cut it with some nonfat milk. Or if I'm really annoyed I just answer, "Of course!" and make it following the recipe.
I was complaining about this to one of my favorite regulars today and mentioned that at the conclusion of this holiday season I was going to suggest to corporate that the next seasonal drink should be a Barista Tears Latte. They then suggested a drink called the Barista's Revenge (all of this occurring after their big chuckle over my Tiger Woods joke). This exchange basically made my day. Oh, along with the fact that I got my shift on the day after Xmas covered so I don't have to spend the holiday driving navigating blizzards on the road from Boise back to Seattle (!!!!!!).
Plus Becky's moving here soon and my auntie and cousin from the Twin Cities and Baltimore, respectively, will be in Idaho with the gentiles over Xmas this year. Life is good.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving, Schultz family-style
Brother's ex-girlfriend brings the sticky, Father breaks out the copper pipe he welded in college in the '70s, everyone smokes together, proceeds to finish the unbelievably delicious gourmet feast Mother has been planning for weeks. Father wears his Sunday best, Mother's tired she needs a rest/the kids are playing up downstairs, Sister's sighing in her sleep, Brother's got a date to keep. Errrrrr...
Monday, September 21, 2009
Pain killer addiction: Not just for batshit crazy conservative talk show hosts!
I've been in the most incredibly chipper mood all day, despite having to go to work at an unholy hour this morning AND suffering from crazy heavy menses.
Hmmm... maybe it's because I'm finally over vicodin withdrawal. I kicked that shit cold turkey-like. Must have been someone praying for me. Right, Rush?
Hmmm... maybe it's because I'm finally over vicodin withdrawal. I kicked that shit cold turkey-like. Must have been someone praying for me. Right, Rush?
Friday, August 7, 2009
Isn't it just grand when...
...you finally decide to ask out the barista that you've been pining away for forever but when you visit them at work with this intention you start to chicken out until they give you the most perfect opening imaginable so you do it heart racing and they say 'yes' in a nearly overenthusiastic manner???
I think so.
I think so.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Hate, Hate
Hate Hate Hate / I don't care what bitches say / I don't even look their way
(This song is soooo bad, and I am obsessed with it.)
took the night - Chelley
(This song is soooo bad, and I am obsessed with it.)
took the night - Chelley
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Friday, June 19, 2009
I'll be a monkey's moving grandma
I finally have closure regarding an issue that's been lurking in the back of my mind for several months now (and in the knots in my stomach). A $2,000+ medical bill, to be exact. I will refrain from going off on a spiel regarding the need for universal health care right now, but I will say that I managed to amass such a huge medical debt due to my lack of health insurance. After completing an absurdly huge pile of paperwork appealing for financial assistance quite some time ago, I finally heard back today that I qualify for 100% assistance, which is such an enormous relief. Not only will the over $2,000 debt be forgiven, I will also be refunded the money I have already paid! That, of course, will all go toward paying for school and moving expenses (more on that in a minute), but I am soooo grateful for this unexpected help.
Also, moving! After being dealt a few disappointments during the past few months' house hunt, I can officially say that I will be moving into an absolutely amazing house with amazing people at the end of the month! I have dubbed it SKEAV House, thereby serving both my love of anagrams and of my new roommies (Samantha, Emily, Alex, and Victoria). I shall post pics when I'm feeling slightly more ambitious....
Also, moving! After being dealt a few disappointments during the past few months' house hunt, I can officially say that I will be moving into an absolutely amazing house with amazing people at the end of the month! I have dubbed it SKEAV House, thereby serving both my love of anagrams and of my new roommies (Samantha, Emily, Alex, and Victoria). I shall post pics when I'm feeling slightly more ambitious....
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Monday, May 11, 2009
Spring = Raging Hormones
Initially I was merely noticing how much more forward and aggressive the guys are at clubs and bars, but now I can place myself in that category as well.
Living in the Pacific Northwest really seems to amplify raging springtime hormones because of how incredibly dark and dreary the winters are. I'm just glad I'm not trying to take random guys home with me.
Living in the Pacific Northwest really seems to amplify raging springtime hormones because of how incredibly dark and dreary the winters are. I'm just glad I'm not trying to take random guys home with me.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Scared Shitless
So this past weekend was quite eventful. And not in a good way (for the most part). I was awakened at 7am Saturday morning by Alex bursting into my room saying, "I need you to take me to the doctor today" at various volumes. Virginia, who had naturally been curled up asleep next to me, started growling and barking at Alex with her hackles raised, due to how erratically he was behaving. Being the innately loving sister I am, I groggily replied, "I can't. I have to work today." Then he mumbled, "Water. I need water" and began to stumble out of my room. I finally opened my eyes enough to get a good look at him. He was drenched in sweat and whiter than a corpse. As I started to get out of bed I heard a loud thump on the kitchen floor, and went in to find him just regaining consciousness, exclaiming, "Why am I on the floor?!"
At that point I informed him that we were going to the E.R. I ducked into the bathroom as we were leaving, and the floor was covered in urine. He was so delirious he couldn't even decipher where the toilet was.
Once at the E.R. the staff quarantined him due to the possibility of his having Swine Flu. He and all the doctors and nurses had to wear really thick masks. In fact, I was the only one not wearing a mask, as I'd already been exposed to whatever he had. It was kind of like this:


Alex tested negative for flu, so the cause was determined to be a particularly nasty viral infection.
Six hours and three liters of intravenous fluid later he was finally stable enough with a low enough fever to be discharged, but had to remain in bed under constant surveillance for at least the next 24 hours. My dear mother flew up from Boise, which ended up being an enormous help to both of us. She was amazing.
Anyway, Alex has been steadily improving but is definitely not at 100% yet. And I now have some major leverage to pull with Alex after this scary-as-shit incident. I've already warned him that next time he is a slob and whines like a little bitch when I ask him to clean up his messes I can remind him that I cleaned up his urine.
P.S. During the course of the weekend my mother expressed her desire for me to find my dad and her an herbal "hookup" next time I'm in Boise (!!!!). I never thought I would see this day. My parents totally rule.
At that point I informed him that we were going to the E.R. I ducked into the bathroom as we were leaving, and the floor was covered in urine. He was so delirious he couldn't even decipher where the toilet was.
Once at the E.R. the staff quarantined him due to the possibility of his having Swine Flu. He and all the doctors and nurses had to wear really thick masks. In fact, I was the only one not wearing a mask, as I'd already been exposed to whatever he had. It was kind of like this:


Alex tested negative for flu, so the cause was determined to be a particularly nasty viral infection.
Six hours and three liters of intravenous fluid later he was finally stable enough with a low enough fever to be discharged, but had to remain in bed under constant surveillance for at least the next 24 hours. My dear mother flew up from Boise, which ended up being an enormous help to both of us. She was amazing.
Anyway, Alex has been steadily improving but is definitely not at 100% yet. And I now have some major leverage to pull with Alex after this scary-as-shit incident. I've already warned him that next time he is a slob and whines like a little bitch when I ask him to clean up his messes I can remind him that I cleaned up his urine.
P.S. During the course of the weekend my mother expressed her desire for me to find my dad and her an herbal "hookup" next time I'm in Boise (!!!!). I never thought I would see this day. My parents totally rule.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Sometimes
I don't know whether you are super into me or think I'm just some slut with decent taste in music.
I hope it's not the latter, because [it's false and]
this slut just wants you to say that you can't imagine being with anyone else when I'm around
or imagine me with anyone else
and then throw me onto the bed.
I hope it's not the latter, because [it's false and]
this slut just wants you to say that you can't imagine being with anyone else when I'm around
or imagine me with anyone else
and then throw me onto the bed.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Seen!
This is going to be an obnoxious post, but in a pitiful attempt at justification I'll point out that this is the only time (that I know of) that this has happened to me. I've definitely had my share of physical appearance-related insecurities, so a shallow ego boost can be a wonderful thing on occasion. Consider my head sufficiently swollen.
Last Saturday I attended a fucking amazing DJ show courtesy of German maestro D.I.M. I was looking bangin', which naturally required a great deal more effort that I can usually be bothered to expend on my appearance. Fortunately, someone noticed. I had a mother flippin' I Saw U posted about me in The Stranger! I shall now copy and paste it so that it is here for all posterity, or just for when I'm feeling particularly gross.
D.I.M. Insane Fun
You: in black, gorgeous, being followed by some weirdbeard while trying to dance. Me: green shirt, crooked hat, going absolutely nuts up front. We: yelled and jumped up & down. Wanted to meet you but you left? I'm an idiot.
Also, "weirdbeard" is one of my favorite new terms. =D
Last Saturday I attended a fucking amazing DJ show courtesy of German maestro D.I.M. I was looking bangin', which naturally required a great deal more effort that I can usually be bothered to expend on my appearance. Fortunately, someone noticed. I had a mother flippin' I Saw U posted about me in The Stranger! I shall now copy and paste it so that it is here for all posterity, or just for when I'm feeling particularly gross.
D.I.M. Insane Fun
You: in black, gorgeous, being followed by some weirdbeard while trying to dance. Me: green shirt, crooked hat, going absolutely nuts up front. We: yelled and jumped up & down. Wanted to meet you but you left? I'm an idiot.
Also, "weirdbeard" is one of my favorite new terms. =D
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Technology: Phooey!
This title comes from a direct quote of my 90-year-old grandmother's. One of my favorites, actually. It's kind of frightening how much I am relating to that sentiment right now.
I upgraded to a Blackberry Storm today, and figuring out how to use it has been an incredibly stupefying, frustrating, and humbling process. I can almost compose and send a text message in under ten minutes now....
I upgraded to a Blackberry Storm today, and figuring out how to use it has been an incredibly stupefying, frustrating, and humbling process. I can almost compose and send a text message in under ten minutes now....
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Wilkommen!
I can't quite reconcile blogging on my myspace page as it just feels like narcissism overload, so I've decided to create a blog here. It's also a bit more private. Fingers crossed the members of my extended family don't get wind of this one like they did my former livejournal (R.I.P) and tune in weekly like it's a sitcom....
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